| Jokes Jokes 19 | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Jokes Jokes 19 Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:00 am | |
| A man went into a dentist and said "how much will it cost to have teeth taken out" "$90" said the dentist "that’s ridiculous" said the man.” I could lose the anesthetic and it would cost $60" "that’s still to expensive,” said the man "if I don't use any anesthesia I could knock the price down to $20". Still to much" said the man.” Well one of my students can do it for $10" said the dentist "perfect" said the man "book my wife for next Tuesday".
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Thu Mar 14, 2013 4:06 pm | |
| EST DIVORCE LETTER EVER Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that i am leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and i have nothing to show for it. These last two week have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit you job today and that was the last straw. LAst week you came home and did not even notice my new haircut, or that i had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want s3x or any thing that connects us husband and wife. Either your cheating on me or you do not love me any more; whatever the case, I'm gone. signed Your EX-Husband P.S Don't try to find me. Your sister and i are moving to West Virginia together! Have a Great life... -------------------------------------- -------------------------------------- -------------------------------------- Dear Ex-Husband, Nothing has made my day more than recieving your letter. It's true we have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you have been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl" Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, i didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because i stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and i prayed it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, i still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when i hit the lotto for 10 million, i quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica, but when i got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, i guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich as hell and free... P.S. I don't know if i ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that is not a problem! | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:06 am | |
| So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink! | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:10 am | |
| Hi everyone.. i know you are reading the jokes.. why dont you put one on here..this is the Joke page for everyone... have a nice day..Your friend Tommy.. | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Sat Mar 16, 2013 5:32 pm | |
| happy St Patricks day everyone. | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 339 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Australia
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:30 am | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Sun Mar 17, 2013 4:56 am | |
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A man looking for love sent his picture to the Lonely Hearts Club. The reply came back, “We are not that lonely.”
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Admin Admin
Posts : 339 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Australia
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Mon Mar 18, 2013 12:07 am | |
| Sounds like me. Regards Retro | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:29 am | |
| A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
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Admin Admin
Posts : 339 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Australia
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:50 am | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Tue Mar 19, 2013 9:06 am | |
| Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital.
However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. '' Congratulations!
You're a free man.
Just tell me why didn't you jump?'' asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, ''Well Doc, I can't swim!'' | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 339 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Australia
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Wed Mar 20, 2013 12:54 am | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Wed Mar 20, 2013 9:35 am | |
| At a wedding party recently someone yelled, "All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was crushed to death. | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Thu Mar 21, 2013 8:33 am | |
| Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. “Well, Dad,” said Pete, “ I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.” “Uh-huh,” said the father, “that seems fair.” “I know, but I never thought he’d choose his sister!”
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Admin Admin
Posts : 339 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Australia
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Fri Mar 22, 2013 12:46 am | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:40 am | |
| A bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, "Do you want the winner of the next race?" Paddy replies "no tanks, oi've only got a small garden." | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Sat Mar 23, 2013 9:05 am | |
| I was standing in a bar and this little Chinese guy comes in the pub, stands next to me and starts drinking. I said to him "Do you know any of those martial arts things like kung-fu karate or ju-jitsu?" He says, "No why you ask me dat? Is it coz I Chinese?" "No" I said, "it's because you're drinking my pint ." | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Sat Mar 23, 2013 10:53 am | |
| A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck. A drunk staggered up to her and said ,"Hey! where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied," You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said," Quiet, I was talking to the duck. | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 339 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Australia
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:46 pm | |
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tommy.irene
Posts : 375 Join date : 2012-07-27 Location : Gran Canaria..Canary Isles.
| Subject: Re: Jokes Jokes 19 Sun Mar 24, 2013 6:21 am | |
| A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well "Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10" "Good. What comes after three?” "Four," answers the boy. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten?" "A jack"
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| Jokes Jokes 19 | |
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