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 Jokes..Jokes 27

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tommy.irene

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PostSubject: Jokes..Jokes 27   Fri Jul 05, 2013 8:33 am

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Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.

As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.
HOWEVER, Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, so she decided not to wait.... and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient!

Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Protestants watched from across the street.
One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes..Jokes 27   Wed Jul 24, 2013 12:50 am

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy bounce bounce cheers cheers affraid lol! lol! 

Regards

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes..Jokes 27   Wed Jul 24, 2013 9:14 am

Three absent minded writers were busy discussing a writing project on the platform, while waiting for the train. The announcement was made, and the train finally arrived. There was complete panic among eagerly waiting passengers as the train made its way to the platform. Passengers rushed inside the train, and the train left. However, one of the writers was not able to catch the train in the confusion.

A passerby who saw all this came up to the writer and told him not to worry and catch the next available train. The writer replied, “I am not worried for myself, but the real problem is that I was the one who was suppose to catch the train, and the two of them who went on the train, actually came to see me off”.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes..Jokes 27   Thu Jul 25, 2013 9:09 am

Bloke comes in early from work shouts up the stairs "I'm home"
And hears a clatter from the bed room and his wife's say something so he runs up the stairs and opens the bedroom door there's his wife naked and on the floor
"what's going on?"
"Well I was getting changed and when I heard you shout and it surprised me so much I think I'm having a heart attack"
This panics him and he runs down the stairs to the phone and while he is phoning 999 his son comes up to him and says
"Uncle frank is in the wardrobe with no clothes on"
"What?!"
"Uncle frank ran into my wardrobe and he's got nothing on at all dad"
At this the bloke looses his temper slams the phone down and marches upstairs taking them two at a time goes into the kids room and wrenched the wardrobe door off its hinges and there stands his brother completely naked he grabbed him and yanked him out of the wardrobe and shouted at him
"YOU PIG! THE WIFE IS IN THERE HAVING A HEART ATTACK AND YOUR RUNNING ROUND THE HOUSE FRIGHTENING THE KIDS!"

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes..Jokes 27   Fri Jul 26, 2013 8:46 am

George W Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously he goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.
'I'm not sure what to do,' says the Devil. 'You're on my list, but I have no room for you.
As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go.
I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their
place. I'll even let you decide who leaves.'
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The Devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water.
He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.
'No!' said George. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day.'
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.
No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day.' commented George.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said 'Yeah, I can handle this.'
The Devil smiled and said, 'OK, Monica, you're free to go!'

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes..Jokes 27   Sat Jul 27, 2013 8:39 am

A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"
The wife says, "Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?"
He says, "I don't care! Just be out by the end of the week!"

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes..Jokes 27   Sat Jul 27, 2013 4:56 pm

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy bounce bounce bounce What a Face What a Face affraid affraid lol! lol! lol! 

Back on internet at last.

Hopefully it will last.

Regards to you both.

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes..Jokes 27   Sun Jul 28, 2013 8:26 am

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone
on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker
function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful
leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and
saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted
last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. T hey will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really
a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room
are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

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